the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
