somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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