My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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