you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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