My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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