PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
