Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize