working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
