I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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