Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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