just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
