I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
