Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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