I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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