Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wanna go halves on a baby?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
