break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
