thus making me awesome and them whores
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
