I want to have your abortion
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
