I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
