that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
