i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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