by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize