i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
