Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
