i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize