South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
