call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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