i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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