Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I fill condoms, not promises.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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