then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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