We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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