i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This toilet bowl is my home.
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