Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
