The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
