It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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