East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
