I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
