just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish I had a tail.
...why not?
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