I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
