never play flip cup with pint glasses
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mom said you looked used
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
