Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
