I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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