please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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