then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sacagawea was the original milf.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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