Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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