He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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