also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
