Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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