First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
