Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
