I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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