Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize