Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
