my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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