Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize