Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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