he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A bitchslap is in order.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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