I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
