My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
