marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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