So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
