you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
