so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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