I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
