if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
