there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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