You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize