Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
