his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
