i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
