you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
